how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
