Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
