my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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