Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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