Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
