It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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