This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize