I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
