i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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