Old men and throwing up are my life now.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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