we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
