Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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