just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
