Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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