im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
