So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
