If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
