But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
