i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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