Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
