my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
