Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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