I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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