Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
