i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
