i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
