I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours