Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
ttyl tear gas
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
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Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?