i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just found puke in my bra..
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Every concussion has its silver lining
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The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
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You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.