it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
