1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
