This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
my poor anus
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
