masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
