i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
