just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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