im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
