I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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