He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
