I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
