this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
