i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
