I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
