Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
