He told me they were just razor bumps!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
