I'm lost and stupid without you.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You left your phone here
Wait...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
