So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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