that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
