I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I love you.
Bad choice
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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