I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
areolas are like halos for boobs.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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