I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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