Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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