I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
