recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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