Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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