Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize