I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
