He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
