You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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