first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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