I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
