he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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