ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Boobs speak an international language.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
