Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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