I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
