Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
