apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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