Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
