omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
