so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
