im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
