community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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