I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
