he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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