Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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