It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
