Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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