why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
