i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
